Oregon has trapped me. I'm trapped.

i'm not the world's most physical guy...

I'm not impressed

dumbdumbdumbdumbdumbdumbdumbdumbdumbdumbdumbdumbdumb

nobody gets me. or goats me.

Moving to Parkdale... again.

The internet has stolen my attention completely. There's not a day where i don't look at it. I think i need to kill the internet before it kills me. I'm unable to exert any self control with my computer. I feel pathetic, and now i'm beginning to think that i am pathetic. Of course it has good things--like pornos--but that's not enough to redeem its satanic, soul-sucking, mind-melting qualities. I feel like i'm becoming dumber and dumber. I probably am.

"it was white wine and 4:30 a.m. and her
daughter was sleeping in the bedroom. she
had cable tv with no sound and
a large screen young John Wayne watched
us, and we neither kissed nor made
love and I left at 6:15 a.m.
after the beer and wine were gone
so her daughter wouldn't awaken for
school and find me sitting in
bed with her mother
with John Wayne and the night gone
and not much chance for anybody--"

-excerpt from Charles Bukowski's "junkies"

oh boy. not again. fuck this shit. everything i feel is sad and terrible.

SWM looking for she-wolf to tear me apart.

I'm tired. It's not that i'm sleepy, though. I'm tired of trying. Lately, I feel like i'm trying too hard to please people and have good relationships. I feel like the best friendships i have are those that i don't work at. They just work because we're friends. I hate trying to look for girls, especially. I'm so timid around the ones i don't know. I try to cater to girls so they'll like me, but that never works. When i do that, the girl doesn't care and ends up going with the guy who is ignoring her. I guess i don't have "the old Mac charm" my dad always talks about. Ugh.

Alex and I were just talking about the human (and potentially all life forms) fear of becoming lost in time--a fear of humanity's ultimate insignificance--and I realized that the key to my life lies in conquering that fear. Everything will die. That's inevitable. So rather than get down about that fact, I need learn to love life in the face of that fact.

My problem is that my life enjoyment is unhealthy and doesn't contribute to society in any important way. My desires are all selfish, and, ostensibly, I'm supposed to feel bad that I'm selfish and care more about others. But I don't. I love to do nothing. I feel good about doing nothing. Sure, other things make me feel good as well: writing, music, drinking, etc., but these things are also selfish and essentially nothing.

anyway... this is tripe. i need to write more on this. i feel like it's an easy way because i don't write if i have the internet. so having a writing source on the internet is more enticing.

Where the fuck is everyone? Is this a dead social outlet? that almost makes me want to use this more.

the only thing better than being alone is being with those you love. i don't know why i cloister myself. i thrive off human interaction, yet i'm also very afraid of it.

I woke up at 5 this morning. that never happens. So what is there to do in Eugene at 5, you ask? I wouldn't know, because I just stayed in my apartment and listened to music. I'm looking forward to getting a waffle at Off the Waffle, though--easily my new favorite place to eat in Eugene. I'm super hungry though... don't know if I can wait. I had some good bro-love this week (no homo), sharing my feelings and shit like that.


I'm looking forward to Jodie's 4th o' July partay! FIREWORKS!!!

Holy SHIT! I just saw Drag Me to Hell, and it was fucking radical! Sam Raimi, whether you like him or not, is fucking great at what he does. The movie was funny, had an interesting plot, and was scary as fuck.

P.S. if you ever encounter a gypsy woman with a crazy witch-eye, just be kind to her. It could save you from curses. Also, my dog, Buddy (RIP), had a crazy witch-eye, thus making me have mercy on creatures in such condition. Bottom line: give the witch-eye people candy to get them off your back.

sad

I've been reading a lot of sci fi and not doing homework. why do I always do shit like this? I think I don't like school, but I also don't want to be
A. a bum
B. a food-service slave
C. live at home, being a food-serving bum.

Careers suck. I just want to read, write, play video games, and play music. I wouldn't mind working if it was something I really loved. Where will I find that thing? Whatever. life's b.s.

p.s. the chick in terminator was hot (Moon Bloodgood, i learned from imdb)

nuff said

The internet's weird

after months of deliberation, luke and i came up with a band name. you should add us on myspace if you want. we're going to put songs on there soon. also gigs in the eugene area will come soon... maybe even a northwest tour...